Notice the cute little creature to your left, beneath Jono's set of links. That is a Shoyru...more specifically, MY Shoyru, LyricMoon. She's a NeoPet, kinda like a cross between a Tamagachi, a Pokemon, and a virtual pet rock. Click on her to go to the NeoPets site! It's really lots of fun and quite addictive (as my bestest friend found out.) It takes a bit of exploring to get the hang of it.

In other news, I'm all but definately going to teach the 2K class (That is, two to three year olds) instead of Playschool (one to two year olds, though it also includes other ages as a general catchall.) I'll be the five day teacher; two days a week I'll have a class of six on my own, all by my lonesome self! But it will be wonderfully worth it. I'll be teaching with one of my best friends there at the academy, who is a fantastic teacher in her own right...I won't feel like I'm doing all the work anymore. And we'll have such a ball together!

In inconsequential, but irritating news....I paid off my speeding ticket the other day. ON THE WAY HOME, I'm driving behind a Henry Co. police car. 30 mph speed zone, kiddies. He was doing, according to my speedometer, 50. Oh, maybe he was going to a crime scene, you say. Uh, yeah. Right. That's why he stopped at a stoplight. Not only stopped, but had to slam on his brakes to keep from hitting a car in front of him, which caused me to slam on my brakes to avoid hitting HIM. And he had the GALL to shake his finger at me, as well as flick his lights on, probably scaring the person in the car in front who was stopped perfectly fine, if the policecar had been paying attention.. What is it about a police uniform that causes some people to be wonderfully heroic, yet become total assholes at other times?

Ah, that feels better. Had to get that off my chest.

John finally got his paper typed and finished and turned in this afternoon, after much agony on my part to do proofreading and being without my computer for long stretches. Last night he started on the computer at 5pm and didn't get off until 1am. Crazy. But I made up for it today. From 2pm until just after 7pm, I was involved in some of the most intense, enjoyable roleplaying that I've had in a while. RPing with Jono is always wonderful...but to have a five hour strectch was simply amazing. A gift from him to me, and something I appreciate so much. Thank you, Jono. I love you bunches.


posted by Steph at 10:28 PM[edit]

Blah.

YACCS, the service that provides the comment section of my site, is down. Whether this is a temporary or permanant thing, I don't know. You can't find anything free anymore, kids.

It's probably just as well. It's just as easy to e-mail me as it is to post a comment.

Other than that little irritation, the day has gone well. School was good, as it always is, but especially is on Thursdays since it's our lightest day. (Which reminds me..I need to make three pages with five pictures on them...next week is our FIVE week and we only have two worksheets.) Got paid; did a little shopping, a little chatting, a little cooking, and tonight we had our Teacher Social. More talking and eating.

I'm better. Thank you for asking.
posted by Steph at 11:04 PM[edit]

Life is getting back to normal. Kids and school and work. Home and life. Especially life. Friends and email and instant messages. Roleplay and chat. Caring for people and offering what I can to make people happy.

I have health. I have a husband and three beautiful children. I have a job with children that I still find amazing that I get a paycheck for. There are many people who love me all around the nation. Some even farther than that.

It's good to be alive.
posted by Steph at 4:27 PM[edit]

Thank you, Jonathan.
posted by Steph at 12:16 AM[edit]

I just don't understand.

I drove out Friday after letting most people know that my aunt had died. An eleven hour trip with only me to drive and a twelve-year-old navigator. (Who is actually quite good at it.) I endured an eight hour visitation, helped cook, helped clean, helped watch kids. Got up early the next morning to help cook again. Went to a three hour funeral service after another two hour visitation, and an hour at the cemetary. Helped clear things away and refresh the food at my uncle's house until 7 pm last night. Came home, wrote my blog. Finally get it to post after two hours. Fall into bed, only to get up at 5 am for my eleven-hour drive back.

And when I get online, I have no peace.

I need to tell my story. I need someone to listen to me for a change. I listen to everyone all the time. I'm no Dear Abby, that's for sure, and sometimes I give bad advice or too much advice, and I mother everyone too much. I smother people. Maybe this isn't a good thing, but it's how I am.

Can't someone mother me? Just a little? Can't I tell someone how hurt and upset I am? Can't I explain just a little of what I need to get out?

Don't worry about Steph. She'll be okay. She always is. She's always there, and we can always count on her.

Yes, you can. And no, I won't ever go away, as long as I have breath to draw and strength to sit up at the computer. As long as I have hands and ears and a heart and a pair of good shoulders for people to cry on.

Whose shoulder do I cry on?
posted by Steph at 11:34 PM[edit]

The funeral was today.

I don't want to bring everyone down, so here is due warning. The following blog is very much a bummer. If you don't want to read it, you won't offend me. But I need to write. You were warned.

My aunt looked so beautiful. I've never seen so many flowers in my life. She was such a loved woman; I had never ever heard an unkind word from her. She was the ultimate mother, the woman I always wanted to be, though I was never able to tell her so. Anyone could go and talk to her, and she loved everyone she ever met. Even if they weren't themselves lovable.

The church was absolutely packed, to the point where they were bringing in chairs from the Sunday School rooms just to have places to sit. And this was no tiny church. Flower arrangements and plants stretched from one side of the church to the other; not just flowers, but angel statues, works of art, things that people knew she loved and collected.

It was all very lovely, but heart-rending as well. She had three sons and a daughter, her husband, eight grandchildren and one great-grandchild. Two sisters and a brother still living, one of which is my mother. I saw people I haven't seen in over ten years. Children who were in my wedding who are now graduating college or have babies of their own. People I grew up with with nearly grown children.

Beverly, or Sissy as we always called her, was the one daughter, the third of the siblings. There was a very real fear that she would not allow her mother to be buried. I've never seen someone grieve so hard. It frightens me, in a way. When my mother passes, what will I be like? When I pass, what will Eva be like?

Who will come to my funeral? Will I be loved as my aunt was? Do I make that kind of a difference in the world? I want to be the kind of woman she was. And if everyone waits until my funeral to come and say how much I was appreciated, I'd never know because I won't be there anymore. Who would care for my children? Who would care for John?

Why am I so scared now?

If you read this far....I told you it would be a bummer. And writing it all down didn't really help. I'll try to write again, maybe tomorrow night. Keep me in your thoughts. I need to feel you thinking of me.
posted by Steph at 12:33 AM[edit]

And less than a week after coming home, I'm on my way back again. My aunt passed away around midnight last night.

Rest in peace, Aunt Fae.
posted by Steph at 1:19 PM[edit]

After an unexpected trip to Louisiana for Spring Break, I'm finally home. It was a good trip and an excruciating trip at the same time. It was a good visit with my parents and the kids...we had some really good times going to the zoo and the rodeo. But it wasn't for the good times that I went.

My parents were supposed to come here over the break, but last week, my mother's sister took a turn for the worse. She wasn't expected to last the week, and so my mother had to decide not to come. Therefore, to save her some worry and still have a visit, me and the kids went to them. A twelve hour trip with three kids, who, by the way, are very good travellers.

It was very hard visiting with my aunt and knowing that she won't ever come home from the hospital unless it is to the funeral home. She has congestive heart failure; her heart is only functioning at 10% right now. She can't even lift her own arms herself...there is nothing they can do for her pain. She doesn't have enough circulation to let the drugs work properly, and they build up to toxic levels. Her kidneys have failed, and mom thinks she doesn't have much longer left. It was very difficult to see her like that.

It's made me want to live closer to my family again. Here in Atlanta, it's an eleven hour trip if we make few to no stops along the way back to my hometown. And that's scary after this week. My dad is a diabetic and has high blood pressure...my mom is always having trouble with her back. What if something were to happen? Also, my kids want to know their Mimi and Papaw. It's hard to do that when we live so far away.

So I'm kinda melancholy tonight. I'm glad to be home, but a part of me wishes I were still there, even though there are times when my mom and I don't get along so well. She *is* my mom, and I should be there.

On the other hand, I have friends here. Some who depend on me quite a lot. Children who love me and can't wait to see me every week, or more depending on when they normally see me. People who I have become quite close to. I feel suddenly tugged in several directions.

Or maybe I'm just tired from the trip.

By the way, when is spring supposed to be here for real?

posted by Steph at 11:31 PM[edit]